Two weeks ago, on Monday the 15th of June, while at the SMCSYD event, I received a call that changed everything. It was my mum on the phone, calling from the hospital. My dad had been diagnosed with leukaemia.
The news hit me like a piano falling from a building. My dad has always been healthy, at 50 years old he is more fit than i am and plays hockey at a second grade competitive level. He’s never smoked and doesn’t drink to excess.
Since then a lot of information has been thrown at me, as new facts emerge as to the type of lukemia and the specifics of my dads condition and while everything has happened very quickly life has moved very slowly.
My dads particular type of leukaemia is called Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia, it is a very aggressive type of leukaemia, especially for older males. In addition my father has what is called the Philadelphia chromosome which puts him in the poor prognosis category. All of this means that while he may make it into remission, his chances of recovery (statistically) are very low.
With all of this in mind I have found myself doing the very thing Man Week is designed to prevent, I have been bottling all my feelings inside. As the eldest male within my family I have felt that I need to be the strong person and bare the burden of the rest of my families upset and grief. I know in my conscious mind that this is not necessary, that my family is strong and we will all support each other. Yet a part of me cannot help but feel the need to fill this role.
Holding my feelings in has been taking its toll lately, I haven’t been sleeping (more so than usual), I have been snappy and generally a dick to my gorgeous girlfriend and I have just felt generally unmotivated. Talking to Jessica (girlfriend) and reading the posts people have written for Man Week has encouraged me to go forwards and speak to a counsellor or psychologist (still need to investigate where exactly I will go) to get some outside perspective on the situation and to find better ways of dealing with the feelings I am having.
The above was not easy for me to write and as I sit here my hands are shaking more than slightly. But I feel, already, like a weight has been lifted. Writing this post has been my first step on the path to unravelling the ball of emotions I’m currently dealing with.